Back on the Grid

Yes, it's been a while. There's little excuse on this side, except that I haven't been in much of a writing spirit lately.

Why is unclear, but it's some combination of insane work schedules, just a general ennui after losing mom, getting life back on track and on some semblance of normal ... all that and more, no doubt.

Matthew and I are trying to break through it with a trip to New York for, well, all the touristy stuff but also the Pride parade and the Pier Dance on Sunday. It was off to a rocky start, with heavy traffic into Atlanta and a missed flight -- a *very* rocky start, I should probably emphasize.

But we weathered the chaos of the morning, got a flight after lunch and made it here just in time for a great dinner at Oyster Bar over at Grand Central Station. We went out for a night stroll through Midtown and checked out Times Square, Rockefeller Center and Bryant Park. Then we totally crashed.

Today, Day Two!

Some pics for you over here on Flicker.

*Static*

Sorry.

Still here. Technical difficulties.

We'll have everything put back together shortly.

Thanks for your patience.

NYC: The Return

The one trip I've made to NYC in my 37 years on Earth, this past June, was amazing -- but too short.

Admittedly, I squeezed a lot into my brief stay. Day One was a full circle of my local environs -- The Battery, with the Downtown Marriott as home base. Had some sushi, shopped at The Gap, walked up and around to the South Street Seaport, took a water taxi tour out to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. Check. Nice day. Perfect weather.

Day Two: The actual event I was to attend, a break for lunch and dinner, a quick spin over to see Ground Zero (next door, actually) and a breeze-through of Century 21, then a hastily arranged (but fun) dinner with unsuspecting co-workers at Anthony Bourdain's Les Halles -- not bad, if I do say so myself.

Day Three: Final event logistics and attendance, then a quick flight out of La Guardia. Thank God I booked a driver instead of a taxi. I can't believe that I couldn't squeeze in more -- you have no idea how much I wanted to do, and my co-workers were stunned how high The New York Public Library landed on my must-see list.

All that to say: I'm dying for my return. Any takers?

So True, So Often

From The Elements of Style, Section III - Elementary Principles of Composition. Rule No. 13: Omit needless words. "Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell."

‘No Wine Untasted’

At 47, no matter where she goes from here or whether she makes it to the finals on Britain’s Got Talent, Susan Doyle’s done it.

This Scot's lived her dream. In one fell swoop, she brought a dismissive, sneering audience to its feet on the show's April 11 kick-off, and then a world to tears with millions more having watched her performance of I Dreamed a Dream from Les Miserables on YouTube in the days since.

Speaking to a Scottish news magazine show for her first on-air interview, Susan -- a charity worker in Blackburn, West Lothian -- says she did it for her mom, to prove she could make something of herself. Her mom, it turns out, passed away not long ago.

Now here she is. If you haven’t watched the clip, please do. (And if you haven't heard her sing Cry Me a River or Killing Me Softly, well, ohmygod.) Then take a mo and check out some of her own words on what’s happened since.

Here’s to you, Susan. You’re already a star.

TRANSCRIPT: The Five Thirty Show *

Newscaster: “Welcome to the programme, Susan. What a time it’s been for you so far - on Friday you were unknown to the British nation, now you’re an Internet sensation, 2.5 million people have watched that clip so far. How do you feel?”

Susan Boyle: “Gobsmacked, absolutely gobsmacked.”

Newscaster: “What’s it been like on the streets of Blackburn?

Susan: “Everybody is wanting my autograph. I’m telling you, it’s really surreal.”

Newscaster: “What made you go in for this, because you’re a shy person. What made you push yourself forward for this?”

Susan: “Basically I wanted to fulfill a wish to my mother, I wanted to do something with my life. Not only that but, I think I had a bit more to offer.”

Newscaster: “What did you do with your singing previously?”

Susan: “Basically in the choir, I’ve been in school productions, karaoke - you name it I was on it.”

Newscaster: “And when people heard you sing karaoke - had they said, ‘You’ve got to go on Britain's Got Talent,’ or one of those shows?”

Susan: “Well, they did mention it once or twice, and then I said to them, well, I'll have a go at it now and see how far I get.”

Newscaster: “The judges loved you, the audience loved you - were you confident when you stepped out on that stage you would get a good reaction?”

Susan: “I didn’t know what kind of reaction I would get, I’m being honest with you. But I just got through with, it you know. You just get on with it.”

Newscaster: “Because as your performance progressed everybody started to stand up - could you actually see that past the lights? Could you see that happening?”

Susan: “I couldn’t have, 'cos I had my eyes closed half the time.”

Newscaster: “Did you get a chance to chat to the judges afterwards?”

Susan: “No, I didn’t, no. You don’t do that anyway – it’s not professional.”

Newscaster: “So where is this going to go Susan? Are you going to wait and see what happens? How far do you think you can go with this?”

Susan: “Through to the bitter end. But I'll do something - wee baby steps.”

Newscaster(s): “Well, absolutely brilliant. We really want our viewers to get behind you. I’m sure that everyone watching just thought you were absolutely jaw dropping. Piers Morgan wasn’t that nice about Scottish talent; he said there wasn’t a lot going on. So you’ve proved him wrong. So we need (the Five Thirty) viewers and people of Scotland to get right behind you, and make sure you go all the way. And you would like that to happen?

Susan: “I would, yes. Thank you very much.”

Newscaster: “Susan, we wish you the very best. You’ve got the most amazing voice and your mum would have been very proud of you. Good to see you on the programme.”

Susan: “Thank you very much.”

* Some of this is a close paraphrase; hey, they don't always have subtitles, and I'm not Scottttish!

Good Sips: Soy-wonderful!

I've no idea why I started fixating on pomegranate Martinis lately, but I'm pretty sure it's because I'm a total sucker for good marketing.

Actually, make that a total sot for excellent packaging! I've been walking past the juice aisle of my local Publix for months, and the new bulb-shaped bottles for POM Wonderful kept catching my eye.

Now what, exactly, made me then make the leap to wondering, "Hmm. I wonder how that would taste mixed with two parts vodka?" We may never know. A couple of weeks back I took the plunge, and here's what happened.

PS - Er, for the brave or multi-talented, try the POMObama!

The Soy-Wonderful POM-tini

Ingredients*

4 parts 3 Soy Vodka
2 parts triple sec
2 parts POM Wonderful
1 dash grenadine

* (Makes two Martinis)

Directions

Pre-chill two Martini glasses. Add the vodka, triple sec, pomegranate juice, grenadine syrup and ice. Shake well. Strain into the glasses and garnish with a slice of citrus fruit or an actual piece of pomegranate, if you can find one. Enjoy!

Still ...

Still here. Still running amok. Still trying to catch up. Still thinking about mom. Still worried about the economy.

Still want to keep this blog alive, but the juices have just dried up. Still post the occasional thought or two over on Facebook. Still trying to figure out all this social networking stuff. Still baffled at times. (Still think Twitter is joke.)

Still wondering if I've made the right decisions. Still trying to be the dutiful son, partner, grandson, co-worker, friend and not feeling like I'm doing any of it very well. Still hope to one day write that fantastic novel/screenplay/memoir/Pulitzer-winning profile, but still haven't done it.

Still looking for it. Still haven't found it. Still hope to make it, if I can. Still thanking God Obama won. Still stuck with my mind at the inauguration, celebrations on the television and mom gasping for oxygen on the bed beside me. Still wondering what happened to the past year.

Still doing what has to be done.

Still thinking of you.

Still ... whatever.

No, Netflix, No

In an interview this past week with Bloomberg News, Netflix CEO Reed Hastings told Meg Tirrell that they're taking steps to move towards streaming-only video for subscribers.

The link will give you all the details here, but the lead: "Netflix Inc. may allow customers to pay solely for online-video streaming by late this year or 2010 as more viewers watch content directly from the Internet."

There are a couple of other pieces out there chewing this up, sounding the death of DVDs and Blu-Ray and PlayStations and whatever the hell else is coming out next week for watching movies and video content on your super-expensive televisions.

While I'm an early adopter and *love* Netflix's streaming video option (hey, it saved my life sitting in the hospital all those months), please, Reed, can we just *not* do this? I mean, yeah, beef up the streaming video options and what all.

But can we not just kill off the DVD? Look, we all know how this works by now. Planned obsolescence has become part of the American way of life. We get that. But at some point, can we just stop? I mean, I like my television. It was expensive, and it's already complicated enough to turn on and off. And I like my DVD player. I finally figured out how to navigate most DVD on-screen menus. In other words, they work.

Do we have to start rolling out something new or a new way of doing things, just because we can? Isn't there some point in human society where we just stop and say, "Yeah. That's cool. I might use that every once in a while. But my [pencil/can opener/coffee maker/DVD player] works just fine for me."

Let's just stop and pause a few minutes on this one. Can we?

Oh, and by all means, please become a Netflix subscriber!

Good Eats: Italian Flank Steak

Ah, St. Valentine's Day! Like so many of our friends, we decided to scale back a bit this year and enjoy a nice, quiet evening at home over dinner and wine. It was great.

On the menu: Red roses; chocolates in a red, heart-shaped tin; Martinis made with red grapes; and red meat served with red wine! The entertainment? Matthew finally showed me his favorite movie, The Way We Were. Bittersweet, but a great love story.

This recipe for Italian flank steak is modified from a Men's Health Malegrams recipe and actually is quite good for you, coming in at 580 calories per serving, with more than 50 grams of protein and just 20 or so grams of fat. (Of course, this doesn't factor in the wine and chocolate.)

Enjoy!

Grilled Italian Flank Steak

Ingredients

12 oz Flank Steak, cut into strips or slices
15 oz can Cannellini Beans
1/2 Red Onion
2 Tbsp Balsamic Vinegar
2 Tbsp Olive Oil
1 Tbsp Chopped, Fresh Rosemary
2 Cloves Fresh Garlic, minced
½ Lemon
Salt and Pepper to taste or A Pinch of Paula Dean*

Directions

You’ll start these first two steps at the same time, then grill the meat as they begin cooking. By the end, you’ll be cooking all three of these at the same time. Set aside about 10 minutes or less for prep time and 20 minutes for cooking. Serve with a fresh green salad and red wine. This will make a serving for two; double the ingredients for four.

The Onions

Cut ½ onion into ¼ slices. Pour about a tablespoon of olive oil to coat the bottom of a medium pan. Set on medium heat, and pour in onion. Saute in the oil for 10 minutes, until the onions are soft, translucent and slightly brown on the edges. Add the two tablespoons of Balsamic vinegar and sauté for another five minutes.

The Beans

Heat a pot with the other tablespoon of olive oil. Pour off most of the liquid in the can of Cannellini beans, leaving just enough to cover the beans in the can. Once the oil has heated, pour the beans into the pot. Add the minced garlic and chopped rosemary. Squeeze the juice out of the lemon into the beans and add salt and pepper to taste. Cook for about five minutes, then use a fork or potato masher to roughly mash the beans. You want to stop when it’s thick and lumpy; don’t mash the beans until you’re left with bean goo. You want some texture left.

The Steak

Heat a grill, grill pan or seasoned, cast-iron skillet over medium high heat. Season the steak strips with salt, pepper and maybe garlic salt if you have it. (Page down for the instructions for A Pinch of Paula Dean, which is always a great seasoning for meats.) Grill each side of the strips for about three minutes until medium rare.

Serve

Edge your dinner plates with the side salad. In the middle, ladle in the beans, then cover with the steak strips. Cover the strips with the onions and serve immediately. Enjoy with a nice, rich wine, such as shiraz or pinot noir.

* What's "A Pinch of Paula Dean?"

You'll want to keep this around. It's Paula Dean's house seasoning:

1 Cup salt
1/4 Cup black pepper
1/4 Cup garlic powder

Stir all together and keep in a container around the oven or spice shelf.

Good Sips: The Icon Martini

Ahhhhh. Nothing cuts straight to the chase as a good vodka Martini. It, along with the venerable gin Martini, have a long history in the annals of mixology.

But who needs all the insane, fruity, multi-colored concoctions out there? No, no, stick with the classics. For me, a straight-up vodka Martini is a great place to start. Then, if it's well prepared, there's a nice variant with the Dirty Martini. (Please, take it easy on the olive juice, beginners.)

And, just to make things interesting, slip off to the side occassionally for a slightly fruity Martini without the beachside T-shirt stand gaudiness so typical these days. Here, try this:

The Icon Martini

Ingredients

4 parts vodka
2 parts orange-flavored liquer or triple sec
6 red grapes
2 lemon wedges
1 tsp sugar

(Makes two Martinis; for sweeter concoctions, double the grapes, lemon and sugar.)

Directions

Pre-chill two Martini glasses. Moisten the outside edge of theMartini glasses with a lemon wedge. Roll the rims in sugar. Set aside.

Place the grapes, lemon wedges and a teaspoon of sugar in the bottom of a cocktail shaker. Muddle or mash all of this well, making sure to especially mash all you can out of the grapes.

Add the vodka, liqueur or triple sec, and ice. Shake well. Strain into the glasses and garnish with a skewer of grapes and a slice of lemon.

Enjoy!

25 Things About Me

I seem to recall this meme come up in earlier days over on MySpace. Since I can’t find my responses to that one, and since they’ve probably changed somewhat anyway, and since I’ve been asked again to do this two dozen times this past week over on Facebook – well, then, here goes!

1. Although I know it’s important to stay in touch, and I love catching up with friends, I’m just not a big phone talker. Sorry. I’d rather go to dinner.

2. While my family is far from perfect, I lucked up in the parent department. While weird, we’ve always been tight. We’ll miss my mom.

3. One of my goals is to eventually get my finances in order. They’re not a disaster – they just need a serious overhaul. It’s one of my weaknesses.

4. I love cartoons. But I miss the action-adventure stuff we had growing up, like “Jonny Quest” and “Thundarr the Barbarian.” I wish I could be a writer and producer of original, American-made anime.

5. I came out to myself in 1997 and gradually came out to those around me a few years after. With very few exceptions, this has been a wonderful experience and mostly a shoulder shrug for my co-workers, friends and family.

6. Writing is a complete joy for me, and for some reason it comes naturally. My toughest editor was Linda Gunter, and I will be forever grateful to her. I can literally hear her yelling at me when I write, and it’s awesome.

7. In 1985, my friend Jason and I attended U.S. Space Camp in Huntsville, Ala. It was totally cool and I would love to do it again as an adult. Even better, I’d like to work for NASA in some kind of communication role.

8. I come from a long line of engineers, chemists, machinists and other technically inclined relatives. But I’m a writer with a liberal arts degree who’s terrified of math. Go figure.

9. When I was 4 years old, I almost drowned in a freak accident. But it was the most exhilarating experience, and I’ve never been afraid of the water, ever. In fact, I love it.

10. My girlfriend was the victim of a violent crime in 1995 and it has shaped my worldview forever. I’m sometimes considered hard-nosed or a cynic, but I’m not. I’ve just seen things others haven’t.

11. I make absolutely no apologies for the fact that I am a complete and total "Star Trek" geek. My favorite villains are The Borg.

12. As a reporter, I became one of the youngest journalists ever to cover the Alabama State House. And I have reason to believe I was the last reporter to interview Gov. George Wallace. It was surreal but one of my proudest accomplishments.

13. After much wrangling, I’ve decided to align myself as a Libertarian. I just can’t seem to reconcile myself with Democrats or Republicans and truly believe this country was never intended to have a two-party system anyway.

14. I love hot weather and can’t stand the cold or winter. If I could, I would migrate between hemispheres to follow spring and summer.

15. My passport is ready, but I’ve never left the United States. I’m dying to travel abroad, but it just hasn’t happened yet.

16. In 1996, I almost uprooted and moved to Atlanta. I didn’t, for a long list of reasons. Now I wonder what would have happened if I did.

17. For better or for worse, I am spontaneous to a fault and, given a choice, don’t typically “play it safe.” Sometimes I regret that I’m not more grounded than I am.

18. One of my greatest role models is Rob Gofourth. He has flaws like all of us, but I’ve always admired his drive, his style, his boldness and his ability to always, always land on his feet – no matter what. Ditto John Taylor: The epitome of style, professionalism and even-headedness.

19. After I became a certain age growing up, my mom would basically kick me out of the house and tell me to “go play.” I was expected to be back for lunch and before sundown. This was the greatest time of my life, and probably the reason I’m so independent.

20. Like Capt. Kirk, I don’t believe in the “no-win scenario.” I also live with few regrets, even though I’ve made many mistakes in my life. They’ve made me stronger.

21. I’ve survived several tornadoes and at least two hurricanes. My mom and I were almost struck by lightning in 1980. I don’t take this lightly and have a huge respect for nature.

22. I grew up on the back of a golf cart but never learned to play the game. It’s one of only five regrets I have in my life.

23. I have a hard time saying “No,” even when I clearly should. This consistently causes me trouble, time and again.

24. Although I played the trombone in school, I never really learned how to read music.

25. My name is one of several embedded on an encoded disc riding aboard one of the two Mars Rovers. It will remain on Mars after the rover shuts down.

Topside

IMAGE: The International Space Station

'Fly With Me'

VIDEO: A 'Fly-Through' Home Video Tour of the International Space Station

In this string of YouTube bits, Astronaut Mike Fincke takes us on a tour of the International Space Station (ISS), filmed for NASA Television in mid-January.

Col. Fincke is the commander for the ISS Expedition-18 crew. He also is one of the U.S. Air Force's top test pilot engineers and a graduate of MIT, with degrees in aeronautics and astronatuics plus earth, atmospheric and planetary sciences. He also studied cosmonautics with the Moscow Aviation Institute in the former Soviet Union and has a couple of other graduate degrees, including one from Stanford.

Random factoid: Col. Fincke was able to vote in the presidential election due to a Texas law that allows Americans in space to vote. They also installed a special encryption program onboard the ISS so that he would still have the privacy of voting in an election booth! The information gets sent to the ground to the local Texas voting authority and they will then take the crew's votes and put them into the election system.

Related Links

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Off-grid

I'm not totally sure what this means -- or even says, for that matter -- but I think I like it.

If it says what I think it says, I can now access my Gmail off-line, almost as if I had a desktop launch of my old Mindspring e-mail account or other e-mail clients.

Regardless, I'm going to give it a spin. Here's the technobabble item in question, from a slashdot poster yesterday:

"Google developers have announced a new feature part of Gmail Labs that everybody was waiting to see realized. Offline Gmail will allow users to have a partial copy of its Gmail account on their PCs, and access their messages while being offline. The magic of Google Gears comes to the rescue, but the process will not be complete. The syncronization will update the online and offline copies, but Google will use an algorithm that will determine the messages downloaded on each sync (the first being the most important) based on several parameters that point out that message's relevance. This measure will save the process from downloading pieces of information not quite as valuable. US and UK English users can enjoy this feature through the Gmail Labs section."

Hope

VIDEO: From a Distance (Live) by Bette Midler

In Memoriam

Judy Henderson Selman, a retired teacher from Phenix City, Ala., died Saturday, Jan. 24, 2009, following an extended fight with breast cancer. She was 60.

Her funeral will be held 2 p.m. Wednesday at Summerville United Methodist Church, 1201 32nd St. in Phenix City. Visitation will be held 5-7 p.m. Tuesday at Striffler-Hamby Funeral Home, 3770 Highway 431 North in Phenix City.

Funeral services are to be conducted by the Rev. Judd Stinson of Summerville United Methodist and by Lorenzo Pharrams, dear friend and pastor of New Beginnings Christian Church in Phenix City. Judy will be interred Wednesday at Lakeview Memory Gardens.

Born Oct. 2, 1948, Judy had a life-long passion for education and devoted more than 30 years of her career to helping others learn. She was the daughter of Frances V. Plott and Earnest M. Henderson. Her mother re-married John F. Duke Sr. in 1960, and Judy was close to her step-father for the remainder of his life.

Although shy growing up in Phenix City, Judy was a self-proclaimed “tom boy,” and said she often set her dolls and tea sets aside to run alongside and roughhouse with neighborhood boys for games of baseball and football. She also loved to read and often pretended to teach classes when she did choose to play with dolls.

After graduating from Central High School in 1966, Judy quickly decided to pursue a career in education. She enrolled in Columbus College and worked her way through school, including jobs as a clerk at W.T. Grant Department Store and Sherwood Pharmacy on Summerville Road.

One day in 1969, Judy struck up a conversation with a shopper at the pharmacy, and William W. “Bill” Selman then invited her for a cup of coffee after work. Their conversation lasted another 39 years, following marriage on Dec. 14, 1969.

Judy completed her student teaching at Carver School, and then graduated from Columbus College in 1970 with a bachelor's degree in elementary education. She immediately began her teaching career among fifth graders at Glenwood School in Phenix City.

After a 1971 move to Ozark, Ala., she and Bill had a son, Sean, in 1972. The young family enjoyed many years living in Ozark and Enterprise, Ala. During this time, Judy taught fourth grade at Joseph W. Lisenby Elementary School, then fifth grade again at East Gate Middle School, both in Ozark. She also helped teach adults, including several wives of soldiers stationed at Fort Rucker who wanted to learn English as a second language.

The family returned to Phenix City in 1982, where Judy joined the faculty of the Phenix City Middle School Annex as a seventh-grade math teacher. She later taught math and science at South Girard Middle School before her retirement in 2001.

Students knew Mrs. Selman as a tough but compassionate teacher, one who took a personal interest in their well-being. She was extremely close to many of her co-workers, too, mentoring many first-year teachers through the ins and outs of daily life in public education. She counted her closest friends as part of her extended family throughout her life.

Judy was an avid golfer and swimmer who enjoyed music, reading, crossword puzzles and crafts. She is survived by her husband, William W. Selman, of Phenix City; her son, Sean W. Selman, of Columbus, Ga.; her mother, Frances V. Duke, of Phenix City; and her brothers, Ronald C. Henderson of Columbus and John F. Duke Jr. of Covington, La.

Donations in Judy’s honor can be made to the United Methodist Children's Home for Alabama and West Florida, C/O The UMC Children's Home Development Office, 1507 Alex Drive, Suite 105, Birmingham, AL, 35210

Good-bye

As friends, families and regular readers know, it’s been a long road. But we lost mom tonight around 6:27 p.m. Eastern. After a final round of platelet infusions the week prior, she began a slow decline.

The previous Saturday she had a relatively good day. Her brother John Duke Jr. came for a visit, and my grandmother joined him. They had a great time catching up and joking around together. Mom and grandma had a good visit while dad and John ran a quick errand. But she tired and went to bed.

This past Monday, we knew the end was near – she was slowing down in all ways. It was a much steeper decline than had been usual the past few weeks. We couldn’t get her to eat; she slept around the clock; fluids were beginning to back up in her abdomen, feet, ankles and elsewhere; and her pain and discomfort were increasing.

When her home health aide came to check on her, I had to send her off crying. That was when I knew for certain. We did take mom back to East Alabama Medical Center for one final trip, and she saw her oncologist and a few of her favorite nurses. She stayed one day to get the fluids under control, and then Wednesday we transferred mom to Bethany House, the hospice facility for EAMC in Auburn, Ala.

The team there couldn’t have been more wonderful. On Thursday, grandma insisted she come to see mom, and dad and I agreed it was a good idea. Dad brought her over in the morning and, well, disaster struck again. Grandma fell in the lobby and fractured her right hip. (No, you can’t make this stuff up.)

So, a new emergency arrived. I took off with grandma for emergency surgery at EAMC, and dad stayed with mom along with Lisa Palmer. Other friends – Lorenzo Pharrams, Beth King, Matthew Franhsen and others helped out, too. Mom had a few more visits from friends and family between Wednesday and Saturday.

Finally, after a long, hard day, mom slipped away tonight. It was a relief to her and to us, in the end. There will never be anyone like her in my life again. Now begins a new journey with dad and our adopted family.

It won’t be the same without Judy.

Love you, mom.

The Journey

A recap of mom's cancer journey appears below.

There also are dozens of journals she's kept through the months, detailing everything from diet to chemo to radiation to surgery to nurses she couldn't stand. These months of posts do not cover the five months of trips to hospitals for blood, platelets, fluid and more.

Maybe one day we can share those journals and stories, or maybe some highlights, with you. I can tell you this: Mom fought hard but laughed hard, too. This was a long journey, but one we were all able to take together.

Thanks to all of you who helped see us through.

Much love.

1-May-2007
365 Days Later

17-May-2007
Be Right Back

7-Aug-2007
The Diagnosis

24-Aug-2007
Final Stretch

22-Sept-2007
28 More Days

22-Aug-2008
Not Over Yet

14-Sept-2008
Big Day Out

20-Oct-2008
Our New Friend

28-Oct-2008
Race for Judy

22-Nov-2008
The War Inside

21-Dec-2008
Homecoming

25-Jan-2009
In Memoriam

Resolution

Why do people make New Year's resolutions?

Well, for one thing, they want to make things better in their lives. It’s a good time to take a step back and realize, hey, things could be a lot worse.

But there’s something else, too. New Year's resolutions are all about what you or I can do to change ourselves. It’s a positive thing we can do with the realization that – no matter how sh*tty life can be for you or me – the only thing we can do to make the world or just our daily life better is to change ourselves.

We sure can’t change others. It's too stressful to even contemplate. If you haven’t bought into or accepted that by now, then here’s your prepaid life advice card. If you’re my age, then, get with the program. If you’re younger (hopefully over 18 if you’re in here reading the ‘Garage), then that’s a bit of free life advice for you.

One time, in the summer of 1992, I was in a real rough spot and having a tough time of it. While I was generally OK, I was unhappy and not having a good time of it because some of my friends were doing things that I thought they shouldn’t. I thought they were being self-destructive, or doing non-productive things that would harm them.

They weren’t harming me, or others, technically, and they were (and many still are) great friends. Still. At the height of my consternation and anxiety, I stalked out of a party one night, extremely upset by this ongoing internal drama/trauma. Turns out, while it may or may not have been well-placed worry on my part, my worrying and making myself upset was completely pointless.

A very good friend of mine followed me out of the party, to ask what was wrong. I dropped my guard, cried my eyes out, and told her. She listened – probably somewhat shocked and amused (she loves telling this story today, based on later events) – and then filled me in on a not-so-little secret:

“Sean,” she said, “You cannot live your friends’ lives for them, no matter how much you may want to. They have to make their own decisions and their own mistakes and live with the consequences, good or bad. You’ve got to stop tearing yourself up about this.”

It stopped me cold. It was like of wall of truth just shot up out of the ground and I ran into it a full speed. After that, life changed. There were other lessons down the road, and I certainly came full circle on this one worry in particular.

I’m not sure why I bring this up, except that I’m trying to wrap my mind around what it is I want to change about myself next. There are a lot of the usual ones in front me: Get my finances in better shape. Balance my checking account more often. Stick to my workouts and take them up a notch. Be more understanding and more supportive of my family, my partner, and other important people in my life. Remember more birthdays and call my friends more often. All that and more.

But what is it exactly that I want to do for myself, for the long run, for more than the next year? I dunno. Still thinking about that one.

Happy New Year, all.

Power Up

It’s official: I’m now a "gaymer."

For my straight friends, yes, this is actually a real sub-set of gay culture. Who knew, or who wanted to know, you ask? I might agree, but here we are.

Why, how, when did this happen? Somewhere along the way of buying our nephew a Guitar Hero World Tour for his Xbox 360 (later, his PlayStation 2 – long story) for Christmas, we caved and bought ourselves a PS2 system.

This wasn’t on the top of our list – or any list, for that matter. But I think Matthew realized we needed to inject some fun into our overly planned, hectic, family-drama-filled lives for a change. And, somehow, a PS2 game system was the way.

Then, while in line for other gifts, we loaded up on some used games. There they were: Star Wars Battlefront, Star Wars Battlefront II, Star Wars Starfighter and about a dozen other games I’ve been dying to try, from Robotech-themed titles to Halo and, yes, even Guitar Hero.

The system was installed – launched, even – tonight. Matthew grinned but immediately rolled his eyes and sank in his chair, as soon as the Star Wars theme music began to play.

“Oh my God. The Christmas decorations are never going to be put up tomorrow, are they?” he asked. Heh.

You asked for it, baby. You asked for it. We’re going in, and we’re going in full throttle!

It'll be just like Beggar’s Canyon back home.

Seaside

MUSIC: Madagascar by Art of Trance

Flashback

It officially ended – for all intents and purposes – four years ago today. The exhilaration, the escape, the euphoria, the friends, with a bass track so loud it set your pulse and tracked your heart beat. Ultimately, it was a zero-sum game.

Darkened rooms filled with Brian’s light shows, Noel beaming across the churning sea of humans from behind the bar, turntable decks spinning under the hands of Wayne or Joe or Lydia or even Sasha and Tiesto, surrounded shoulder-to-shoulder or slouched side-by-side on couches and chairs, friends from every background and every nation, their boyfriends and girlfriends and chosen family mere feet away, listening and dancing to the same beat.

Those were other worlds, it seems now. Sunsets and sunrises on beaches and underneath skyscrapers, blacked-out corners of forgotten places now bulldozed and buried under new condominiums or under new management, new managers running the freak show or the amusement park who never understood and never will. We danced at the warnings of tornadoes and in the midst of hurricanes coming ashore. We watched as trains passed by, and as planes flew overhead. One time we danced on boats in the middle of a lake.

It was a special time. Nothing seem to matter for long in That World – but, eventually, it did. Daylight returned, and the Real World beckoned. Eventually, it had to fade to black. There were bills and duties and forms and reports and chores and ... well, life to attend to.

It's not so much that I want to leave this world and go back to that one. But I do miss it. Why exactly did I let it go? That's a question I have yet to answer. There are a tangled mess of reasons, no doubt.

Things changed. People changed. Music changed. Circumstances changed. And how long can perfect ever last? It's tempting to think it was all one unending party, where everyone loved one another and nothing bad ever happened. That would be denial.

But it sure had it's high points. One day, maybe ...

Bliss

MUSIC: Manvantara by Bliss, from Buddah-Bar Ten Years

Homecoming

We brought mom home from East Alabama Medical Center yesterday.

It turned out to be another all-day ordeal, which hardly seems surprising at this point. I’ll spare you details. Suffice it to say, it ain’t like checking out from the Waldorf=Astoria, especially when you need a couple of units of blood before the bellhop arrives.

But now she’s home and tucked into her own room. To say we are “tired” doesn’t quite seem to capture our true state. Somehow, you just summon up another erg of energy from some bottomless source and push through it. It must be something similar to what combat soldiers experience.

It’s true to say I’ve never been in combat. I’ve never been shot at (well, except for that one time Gail Fyke almost killed us when she shot that water moccasin swimming towards me, Bucky and Shea) and I’ve never had to do a forced march in the middle of the night to some unknown destination. I’ve never had to blindly follow an officer’s orders without question.

That said, there are parallels – with rush trips to emergency rooms, needles, strange machines and contraptions that loom above you, sleep deprivation, hostile nurses and doctors, staunching blood, doctors dictating next steps, bland food, frayed nerves on all sides.

I’m definitely certain our experience is nothing unique in the world of metastatic breast cancer. But it sucked in general, and it’s frustrating to know it was all for naught. It’s like having fought a hard battle at the end of the Civil War, only to learn the Rebels had surrendered at Appomattox just days before.

Strange, but true: Time has lost some of its meaning. Halloween, Thanksgiving and now Christmas is here. Where have we been? Mom’s kept a meticulous journal through it all, and it will be interesting to go through it sometime to try and piece together what happened when.

Basically, she went *back* into the hospital somewhere around mid-October, where she’s been ever since, staring at the same four walls or the same tired corridor except for one weekend day-pass out for lunch.

She’s tried another round of chemotherapy and a drug meant to build up her bone mass so as to get in front of the cancer, but neither worked. She continues to need blood and platelets at various intervals. We lost count of how much she’s infused since August. We’ve become close friends with an entire floor of nursing, housekeeping and kitchen staff at EAMC.

Mom’s oncologist vacillated towards the end, giving various pronouncements of “We’re done here” to “I’ve got one more option …,” which was maddening. But Friday mom said to hell with it. If all that’s left to try at this point is one more round of chemotherapy that is barely more than a shot in the dark, then she’d rather be at her own house eating her own macaroni and cheese and watching her own DVDs on her own 42” LCD television, thankyouverymuch.

No, she’s not happy with it at all. But she’s definitely done with it and, as far as I can tell, so is her oncologist. We’re going to have Christmas at home, enjoy each other’s company, and take each day just one day at a time.

There is and were a lot of things dad and I wanted to do differently, but we stuck to mom’s wishes. We stayed with the same care team at the same facility, with one awkward attempt at a second opinion that did little for us except to cause massive frustration, anxiety, discomfort and needless worry.

What to write or say at this point? The hell if I know. I’m glad mom’s home. I’m worried about my dad. I’ve made myself sick lately, and, meanwhile, life has to go on. There’s laundry to do, presents to wrap, not to mention work. I’ve tried to summon up the Christmas spirit, but it’s tough, no lie.

Final word: It’s good to have mom home.

Happy Holidays, all.

Give Thanks

This year, due to lots of things going on in our family right now, we probably won’t have a traditional Thanksgiving dinner at our new place – which was our original plan.

But that’s OK; we’ll get together with friends and family elsewhere and probably gather for the Iron Bowl this weekend. Till then, we’ll take a few days to relax from work and finish some house projects. (Almost done!)

We do love Thanksgiving, though, and I really miss the gatherings we used to have as a kid down with our family near Mobile. My late grandmother, Ruby D. Selman, and my aunt, Barbara Stewart, were and are two of the most amazing cooks. Our holidays spreads were heaven.

We’d almost always have some combination of the following: Turkey; ham; cornbread dressing with giblet gravy; cheese straws or a cheese ball with crackers; potato salad; French-cut green beans or green bean casserole; seven-layer salad; eggplant casserole; creamed corn; broccoli salad; cranberry sauce; deviled eggs; sweet potato suffle; angel biscuits or dinner rolls; pecan pie; pumpkin pie; coconut cake; straw cheese pie; sweet tea and coffee.

Usually, my branch of the family was just told to show up and eat. We gathered, ate, talked about books, family and football, stretched out to recover, and then enjoyed movies and leftovers for a couple of days. The trade-off: Mom and I were always in charge of the dishes!

So, in lieu of inviting you to my re-creation of days-gone-by, let me instead share some of our family recipes with you! I’m adding some recent discoveries we tried last year. Enjoy.

Please note: I’m assuming here you can handle the turkey or ham portion yourself; for turkey, pre-order one smoked from your favorite barbecue restaurant or church fund-raiser. For the ham, just be sure you buy a honey-glazed, spiral-cut beauty and follow the directions.

The List:

Aunt Barbara's Cheese Straws

Aunt Barbara's Eggplant Casserole

Grandma Selman's Straw Cheese Pie

Grandma Selman's Coconut Cake

Matthew's Peter Paul Mounds Cake

Good Eats: Cheese Straws

Before any good Southern meal can start, you have to build in "gathering time." In hoity-toity circles, this is called cocktail hour. In the South, it's called showing up early to help.

In reality, no one usually helps unless told to do so: The hostess usually is making all final arrangements and just wants everyone to show up early so she can serve on time and on her schedule.

This is just polite. You offer to help, but what you're really supposed to do is sit around, chit-chat, enjoy each other's company and have a few snacks provided early by the hostess. Oh, and you should stay out of her way till she calls you.

Here's a get-ya-started from my Aunt Barbara! The recipe here is mild; Southerners usually perfer these to be eye-watering hot from the pepper.

Note: I have no idea what some of these things are, but the directions come directly from her recipe and notes in the Our Favorite Recipes collection at Chickasaw United Methodist Church in Chickasaw, Ala.

There you might enjoy these in the L.M. Selman Fellowship Hall, named after my granddaddy.

Cheese Straws
(Barbara Stewart)

Ingredients:

1 lb. New York cheese (?)
½ cup margarine
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp salt
½ tsp Cayenne pepper
2 tsp baking powder

Directions:

Prep: Put cheese through a food grinder (?), soften margarine, and blend with cheese until smooth. (It’s easier to do this by hand, Aunt Barbara writes.) Stir all dry ingredients and then add the margarine-cheese mixture. Again, blend until smooth, and use your hands.

Baking: Put into a cookie press (?) using the straight-toothed attachment (?). Put in strips on a cookie sheet and bake at 375 degrees for 10-15 minutes or until they are done but not brown. Cut in short pieces while the strips are still warm.

Et cetera: You can make them really hot by increasing the ingredients to one full teaspoon of pepper. Also, you can make bite-sized versions by rolling small amounts of the mixture into the size of a marble and placing them on the cookie sheet instead of the strips.

Good Eats: Eggplant Casserole

My Aunt Barbara has always been every-bit the cook my Grandmother Selman was through the years. The two of them together made Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners happen.

This year, my aunt is recovering from multiple surgeries and resting at home, so there won't be a lot of cooking going on this year -- I hope!

Barbara has every single course covered in her recipe box, but I've picked just a couple here to share. Somewhere I have to go and dig up my favorite -- seven layer salad!

Oh, and one more thing: Ain't nothing low fat in any real Southern cooking.

Enjoy!

Eggplant Casserole
(Barbara Stewart)

Directions:

1 large eggplant
1 can tomatoes
1 large onion, sliced
1 cup grated cheddar cheese
½ cup bread crumbs
2 tbls margarine

Directions:

Peel and dice eggplant into 1/2 –inch squares. Melt margarine in large skillet and sauté eggplant. Arrange 1/3 eggplant in bottom of baking dish. Top with ½ of the onion slices and ½ the tomatoes. Repeat for another layer and top with final third of eggplant. Lightly toss together the cheese and breadcrumbs and sprinkle across top. Bake at 375 degrees for about 30 minutes or until eggplant is tender.

Good Eats: Straw Cheese Pie

Who ever said cooking had to be hard?

My Grandmother had this stuff down -- she could whip up a feast in no-time flat, it seemed. I always wondered how she did it.

Looking back now, I see that she did a lot of prep work and she cut corners wherever she could. Years of cooking dishes for church dinners, United Methodist Women meetings, wakes and family gatherings taught her how to just get it done.

Here's an easy one from her archives! This was one of dad's favorites, as I recall.

Straw Cheese Pie
(Ruby D. Selman)

Ingredients:

1 baked graham cracker pie crust
8 oz. softened cream cheese
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1/3 cup lemon juice
16 oz. package of strawberry glace, chilled
1 tsp. vanilla
Fresh strawberries

Directions:

Beat cream cheese until fluffy. Beat in condensed milk till smooth. Stir in lemon juice and vanilla. Pour all into crust and chill for three hours. Top with fresh strawberries and the strawberry glace. Wrap in tin foil, place in paper shopping bag, and speed to the UMW meeting across town before 11 a.m.!

Good Eats: Coconut Cake

God love my Granmother Selman. I miss her so much. This wasn't my favorite dessert of hers, but it was for mom.

The thing that I love the most about this recipe: It all comes out of a box or can! Sometimes, true Southern cooking is just that easy.

Coconut Cake
(Ruby D. Selman)

Ingredients:

1 box yellow cake mix (follow prep instructions)
1 large can crushed pineapple (undrained)
1 pkg. vanilla pudding mix (follow prep instructions)
1 medium Cool-Whip
1 package frozen coconut

Directions:

Make the sheet cake by following the directions on the box. Once it's finished, and while it's still warm, top with the large can of pineapple. Spread pineapple with the prepared pudding. Cool. Later, top with the Cool-Whip and sprinkle that with the coconut. Eat!

Good Eats: Peter Paul Mounds Cake

OK, so we can't take full credit for this one. Actually, it's a favorite of Matthew's family, but no one could remember or find the recipe when we asked.

Last year we researched several entries for this on the Internet and then compared it with family recollections and memories. This one came out the closest to what everyone remembered.

It takes forever to make, and it's a mess, but it tastes incredible!

Peter Paul Mounds cake
(Matthew Franhsen)

Ingedients:

Cake:
1 c. all purpose flour
1 c. self rising flour
5 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla
2 c. sugar
1 c. shortening
1 c. milk

Filling:
1 c. sugar
1 c. milk
1 lb. frozen coconut
12 lg. marshmallows
1 tsp. vanilla

Icing:
2 c. sugar
1/2 c. margarine
1 sm. can evaporated milk
2 tbsp. cocoa

Directions:

For the cake: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream together 2 cups sugar and 1 cup shortening. Beat in eggs 1 at a time. Sift the flour together. Add to the sugar mixture, alternating with the cup of milk. Stir in vanilla. Pour into 3 greased and floured cake pans. Bake for 30 to 35 minutes.

For the layering: While baking, place 1 cups sugar and 1 cup milk in saucepan and bring to a boil. Add coconut and marshmallows. Stir and boil for 5 minutes. Stir in vanilla. Once the layers of cake have finished, spread between layers while they are still hot. Let cool and frost.

For the Icing: Combine all ingredients and cook over medium heat. Stirconstantly until thick and it forms a soft ball when small amount is dropped in cold water. Cool and frost top and sides of cake.

Achilles’ Heel

In a recent episode of Star Wars: The Clone Wars on Cartoon Network (it's actually not that bad, considering), a two-part episode entailed Anakin Skywalker having to track down R2-D2, his trusty astromech droid lost during a battle with the Separatists.

As Obi-wan puts it afterwards, “Why worry? Astromech droids are just a dime a dozen,” or some such. Putting aside Anakin’s growing attachment to R2 (which, by the way, further cements my question, “Why doesn’t Darth Vader happen to recognize either R2 or C-3P0 20-odd years later, when they’re running around with the Rebel Alliance?”), Anakin lowers his head and admits, “Master, I never erased his memory.”

Obi-wan flys off the proverbial lightsaber. Wiping an astromech’s memory appears to be standing operating procedure in the Republic, so as not to compromise any of the data they are frequently subject to receiving, transmitting and processing during the Clone Wars or any other time. The loss of R2 to the Separatists could be a devastating loss to the Republic and its plans for victory.

I won’t spoil the ending, and I’ll save my critiques of The Clone Wars for a later time. But, suddenly, we’re faced with a real-life situation and conundrum for president-elect Barack Obama and future presidents, for that matter. Take, for instance, last week’s story in The New York Times, debating the merits of whether Obama will be the first president allowed to use a ubiquitous BlackBerry, or whether he has to surrender it due to federal regulations regarding presidential correspondence.

This has become a true issue: The Clinton Administration had to file about 32 million e-mails during their tenure; the Bush II Administration is estimated to have generated 50 times as much e-mail. It’s causing real issues of data storage and even risk management. During the election cycle, Sarah Palin had her personal Yahoo! e-mail accounts hacked into, although the only thing anyone found were a couple of e-mail forwards of cute kitten pics and cutesy back-and-forth notes to her husband about firing a state trooper, or some such. (Kidding!)

This weekend we’ve learned that a couple of enterprising (sic) Verizon employees decided to take a peek into Obama’s calling records for the past few months. This was for his flip-phone, and not his BlackBerry, but who knows what they saw or what they shared? Verizon’s damage control team is working furiously to quell the customer uprising that’s sure to ensue, but the damage is none-the-less done. We’re back to asking who knew what when and why?

It’s a new time, and a new age of communication. You wouldn’t think these sorts of things would be all that important, but they are. Who’s looking at your e-mail history? Are you OK with Google using your search data to target advertising directly for you? How about Facebook taking the liberty of sharing your online shopping history with your friends as part of an advertising hook – without your permission? What would you think about a potential employer digging up your MySpace profile from 2005 and asking you questions about it during a job interview?

Feeling uncomfortable yet? I’m just sayin’, know what you’re posting, what you’re e-mailing and know what your saying and to whom when you make that next cellular call. Me? I’ve made my peace with it. A few years ago, I learned that potential dates were opening up my bank records at Region’s Bank, just to see if I was a good prospect or not. Others were opening accounts of friends and making fun of them later at parties.

I reported them. They were fired. But I’m sure it didn’t stop the next batch of new hires from doing the same thing. My point: Know where your data is. Know what’s being done with it. If you’re concerned, speak up. If you’re not, be ready for consequences. Maybe there are some times when it’s OK to share; I feel that way with Google.

But, maybe, you should be worried. What if Google Streetview takes a picture of you doing something you’re not supposed to, and then publishes it for the whole world to see on their new T-Mobile gPhone running Android?

Just be aware. These are new times.

The War Inside

One of my favorite quotes from James Thurber is his admonition, "Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness." I become more aware every day.

Take the human body, for instance. It just never ceases to amaze me, even as it terrifies me in equal measure. To know a thing is a step towards conquering your fear of that thing -- but then sometimes, the more you know, the worse it gets.

Nature, God, the universe, random conversions of substances in an otherwise chaotic state -- something -- gave humans and other animals the incredible ability to defend themselves on the microscopic level using a highly complex immune system.

When your body believes it is under attack from an alien substance, called antigens, it triggers a series of events, allowing it to quickly design, develop and mass produce proteins, called antibodies, to defend itself. As they swarm through your circulatory system, a war begins within your own bloodstream as the antibodies seek to rout and destroy the invaders.

But, sometimes, things get messy. Your body also will attack other proteins, proteins that are otherwise there to help -- such as donated blood. Sometimes your body can decide your own cells and proteins are attacking you, and it will begin to attack them, too. That's called an autoimmune response.

We have the technology to defend against this, in some cases. But not in all. There's so much to understand, so many unanswered questions. That doesn't help when you're sitting at the bedside of someone whose body has switched on this response.

You're just left in awe and fear and amazement, wishing to God some character out of Star Trek would swoop in with a medical tricorder or a droid out of Star Wars with a bacta tank to fix everything and make your loved one whole.

If only.

That Sputtering Sound

Maybe you can understand this, but I'm at a complete loss.

Every fiscal conservative on the block has blathered on for 25 years about "letting the free market reign." And, now that the free market has spoken, we're going to bail out Detroit? Are you friggin' kidding me?

Look, I'm no heartless bastard. No one loves America more than me, and I don't want to see one of our prize industries fail. We can't be a *totally* service-based economy. Somebody, somewhere, has to be in the business of making better widgets, or we're screwed.

But how many times has Detroit had a chance to get it right? Not only that, how many times has Detroit openly spat in the face of every single American when we've demanded better performance cars at a decent price? And I don't even have the energy to get into the whole SUV fiasco.

In 1953, former General Motors president Charles E. Wilson famously said that "what was good for G.M. was good for the country," and folks still claim he's right. There's some statastic floating around that says one in 10 American jobs is somehow tied to the auto industry, and we can't afford to let them fail without a bailout.

I can't find the source, but let's say that's true. Well, then one in 10 Americans has been working for an incredibly backward boss, who's done nothing to improve fuel economy, even fought it, claiming Detroit just didn't have the technology to do it.

They have consistently scoffed at car makers outside the United States, even while Toyota by-passed them as the top seller in American markets and communities around the country begged and bribed their way into building every Honda, Kia and Hyundai plant they could get.

Detroit's already been awarded $25 billion to retool their plants. They've shown they can innovate when they have to; in World War II, virtually every single assembly line in America was retooled to build Jeeps, tanks and airplanes for the war effort. It can be done again.

If they do get a bailout, it's going to have to come with a price -- and a really short chain.

What, Exactly ...?

It's been a while since I've posted a random thought item, but I need to get this out of my head. These have been bothering me for a few weeks.

>> What, exactly, is Jet Dry liquid? With a new home comes new responsibilities, and one of mine is to make sure the blue indicator light on the new dishwasher doesn't come on when it runs out of Jet Dry. I've never bought Jet Dry in my life, and now I buy it at least once a month. What is this stuff? Did human civilization somehow survive without it for the past 12,000 years?

>> Dear Lowe's Home Improvement: I now estimate that my partner and I have spent close to $1.2 million in your store since August 2008 on nothing but paint, screws, edging tape, shower curtains, some type of tool that cuts metal, nails, a new door, paint remover, shower curtain rods, a dishwasher, a replacement ceiling fan globe, a charcoal filter for the fridge, rubber sealant and lamps-- among other miscellaneous crap. As near as I can tell, we could have bought all of this at just about any other Ace Hardware, Home Depot or Jimmy's Junk Emporium, if we had wanted. Would it kill you to add a loyalty program so we can get some points for our weekly visits? (Thanks for the one 20% off coupon, though, and the free install of the dishwasher.)

>> It is now 2008. We were supposed to have colonies on the moon by now and beaten our oil addiction. That didn't happen. However, early voting in the United States seems to be a big, novel concept -- when it was available! Folks work 10-hour days now, just to keep their jobs, both parents work, and we now have scheduling software that people use to book us for meetings every 15 minutes of the day. Might this be *one* advance that we think we could offer the American people to make modern life a little bit easier across the board? I understand if universal healthcare is a bit too far of a reach right now, but do you *really* expect 30 million folks to take three hours out of one Tuesday in November between 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. to vote for the people who are going to raise their taxes and take away even more Head Start programs? Can't we get past this?

>> What the hell happened to XM Radio this week? Did I miss the memo? I knew they were merging with Sirius Satellite Radio, but had no idea until I turned on my tunes this week that they were going to throw their channel line up in a blender and punch "Puree." Not that I'm totally complaining; they have a great Web site and I'll figure this out. (Some more background here from Phil Rosenthal at The Chicago Tribune.) Oh, great, my favorite -- the progressive house and trance channel, The System -- is now "online only." Um, thanks, XM. Didn't we at least get a vote?!? Gah.

{More to come; adding as I go this weekend ...}

The Pressure!

Maybe this peer-to-peer, blinking social networking thing has fallen over the tipping point.

This weekend I started toying around with Current, which, as near as I can figure, is supposed to be the peer-to-peer answer to television news, or some kind of "social journalism."

I seem to recall Al Gore's involved in it somehow. (Didn't he start it up somewhere between the White House and the global warming PowerPoint show?) Anyway, now there's all this pressure to get on and click through things for some kind of social kudos or something.

Fast forward to this morning, when the Current-bots sent me this e-mail message:

Hey, rocketgarage!

You're a level one commentator! What does that mean? You've commented or voted at least five times in one day on Current.com. Check out your profile http://current.com/people/rocketgarage to see your shiny, new level one badge.

Want to make it to the next level? You'll need to earn 30 commentator kudos. How do you get those? Every day that you comment or vote five times (in any combination) earns you one kudos.

So, two greenlights and three comments? One kudos! Three greenlights, one redlight, and one comment? Take one kudos! You can only earn one kudos per day, but these don't have to be consecutive, so if you're away from Current for a few days, don't worry--we'll pick up where you left off.

Just one more thing to keep in mind: any content that is removed for violating our community standards (spam, personal attacks on other users, hate speech, and the like) will not count towards your total.

It's a long way to level two, so what are you waiting for? Check out what's new on Current and get commenting.

Best,
The Online Community Team

What is this "kudos," and why do I have to have any social standing at all in this online community? Do I get some kind of gift if I become a Level 14 Current ninja? With great kudos, is there great responsibility, or something?

WTF?!?

Masthead & Manifesto

Before you read any more of my rants, perhaps I should restate the following:

>> For us*, Rocket Garage is a fun and diverting exercise in relaxation and social networking (the six degrees from the blinking tipping point thing, and all that).

>> We post all kinds of things here. If you see anything that belongs to you and you'd like it removed, just post a comment and it will be done.

>> We're all adults here. If you are easily offended, a spambot or under 18, you might not want to hang out in the Rocket Garage.

>> I believe Americans should frequently and flagrantly use their First Amendment rights when called to do so. If that's a problem for you, go away. Otherwise, welcome!

* Me and the droids running the facility. Your credits are good here. Help yourself to some Soylent Green chips and salsa till we're able to make the repairs to your warp core. If this makes no sense to you, then, nevermind.

Lesson Three: You're Never Alone

VIDEO: You’re Not Alone by Olive

Future State

Maybe it's the dawn of a new era in America, or maybe it will just be more of the same. The Obama and Democrat victories in the Senate represent a mixed bag for me.

On the one hand, yes, I get it and I'm ecstatic: I pray for a renewed sense of American inventiveness and willingness to be a positive influence on the world stage without the bloodshed of senseless and unnecessary wars.*

I'm also happy that, maybe, the Supreme Court will be safe for another generation or so from activist Republican ideals that will send this country back to our Puritanical Dark Ages. That's a plus. But, I take this General Election with an irritating grain of sadness, too.

While Americans turned out in record numbers to defeat McCain's agenda and propel Obama to the White House next year, the new wave of young voters was unable to overcome the willfull ignorance of many black voters and perennial "soccer moms" who voted to support even more so-called Defense of Marriage initiatives that discriminate against gay men and lesbians.

Yes, I just threw the gay card. You can read previous posts of mine where I've put forth my grave doubts about advancing the right to gay marriage ahead of the right to employment non-discrimination and other, more important, gay rights initiatives.** But, I'm not stupid. I can read the signs.

Here's the breakdown, Americans. You can call me on it, if you disagree. That's the beauty of us living in a civil and free republic. But these are the facts, like it or not:

* Americans are still freaked out by men who have sex with men. These are gross generalities, but I think the numbers prove beyond a shadow of a doubt: Black women are afraid gay men will steal their "good men." White soccer moms are terrified by sex, period. White men recoil when they think about man sex. And black men shelter hypocrisy in their own ranks by denying the millions of them who live on the "down low" and enjoy man sex on the side while cheating on their so-called "legal marriages" with women.

* Then it goes on: Wide swaths of ignorant Americans somehow think that gay parents in a legal marriage who adopt children will turn out a wave of sexual deviants who will devolve our country into some kind of Sodom and Gomorrah. Forget that many of these unadopted children will otherwise wallow in screwed up foster parent situations for years, where they are treated like dirt, just so a lot of creepy white parents can get a monthly check and feed their foster kids with barely edible junk food just long enough to keep them alive till the next check. You think they're going to grow up into productive American citizens? I'll eat my socks if you can prove otherwise to me. Sure, there will be some great examples of abandoned kids who made it; I think I can pull data to show you this is hardly the norm. But, hey, what's normal, right?

* Americans just conveniently forget that more than half of marriages fail in the United States, and that marriage rates are declining all over the world. What, exactly, do you straight people think you're defending with these laws and constitutional amendments? If anything, our society needs initiatives that promote more, stable marriages and continue to foster the ideals that make this a great nation. What's so special about your screwed up marriages that you think you need to deprive gay Americans with the same special right to love one another and be productive families in society or, alternately, live in the same matrimonial hell as the rest of you? Really? I mean, really? Defend yourselves. I challenge you, prove it to me.

* And don't even get me started on the black folks who continue to say that gay rights initiatives do not have anything to do with the Civil Rights Movement, that there is no correlation. I grant you, it's a comparison of apples and oranges, but they're both fruit. I mean, do you *really* need me to go down the list?

* Finally, hell, you mean Keith Olbermann has the most calm, cogent commentary from a straight person on this? Wow, what does that tell you?

[Previous content edited out after taking chill pill.]

You know what? Gay rights, including the right to legally marry, will eventually prevail in this great nation of ours. We will one day have a majority of Americans who have enough day-to-day experience with gay Americans that all this will seem like silly ignorance and backwardness based on years of discrimination, misinformation and unwarranted fear.

There is precedent: The same was true of disenfranchised blacks living under Jim Crow laws and women who were not allowed to vote for decades and, even then, were forced into basic civil servitude as secretaries and stewardesses for even more decades. Today, it's a different -- if still imperfect -- story.

Things will change. But let's just be clear, America: You're being blind, ignorant hypocrites for the present. And you need to open your eyes.

That's all I have to say on the matter.

* I do wholeheartedly support our troops, and especially our military missions in Afghanistan and even Pakistan. And, for the record, I believe we should have nuked Tora Bora and turned it into a radioactive wasteland for the next 100 years rather than let the Taliban escape.

** In case it comes up, yes, I've aimed my vitriol at the gay community, too. We have woefully mismanaged our own struggle in so many ways. We are so diverse that it's difficult to come to consensus and move forward. And there are so many who sail through life without a care in the world. There's plenty of blame to go around.

Tavis Twitters?

VIDEO: A snip from Tavis Smiley's video blog.

Love Tavis Smiley. I wish more people followed him. He's one of the best interviewers out there.

Kelefa Sanneh wrote a great profile of him several weeks back in The New Yorker.

Love You

VIDEO: I Will Always Love You (Live) by Dolly Parton

Race for Judy

When I last wrote, "Mom's had some issues crop up lately with the level of blood and platelets in her body," it was a bit of an understatement.

Look, I'm pretty sick of talking about cancer at this point, but I do want to share some thoughts and fill in a few folks on what's going on with Judy.

First: Cancer sucks. Let's just get that out of the way. I've posted the pink ribbon over to the right and, yes, it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month in the United States. I want every man and woman who reads this to take five minutes and find out at least the very basics about breast cancer and early detection. It's important, folks.

Second, that said: The Selmans really don't have time for all that right now. We're kind of in the sh*t, as it were. Mom has progressed to Stage IV, and her breast cancer has metasticized to her bones. In short, this means the breast cancer cells are all over her ribs, the bones in her arms and legs and elsewhere. It hurts, and they eat away at bone tissue.

It's not bone cancer, which is totally different. But it's still pretty rough. In mom's case, it's what's causing her to lose so many red blood cells and platelets, because all of that comes from your bone marrow. But enough with the anatomy lesson.

My final point: Most of mom's treatments have proven to be stop-gap at best. She appears to have an extremely aggressive strain of cancer. Yesterday we heard from one more oncologist who has proposed a final treatment of chemotherapy to try and kill off some of the cancer cells in and around mom's bones.

This, in combination with a drug that helps build up her bone mass, is going to be our last, big push to beat this thing. She'll be in the hospital for the next several weeks, and we're all huddling today to map out our plan.

Right now, mom and I have booked several nights so that we can watch the first season of Heroes on DVD (don't tell us nothin'! we haven't seen any of them yet!), and we'll probably run through the Jason Bourne and Harry Potter series. (She's been saving them for a while.) We'll also be playing a lot of Scrabble.

Thanks to everyone who's dropped me, mom or dad a note the past few months. We really do love all of you and, if you haven't heard from us in a while, please understand it's been a bit insane lately.

It may be a while before I post, so stay with me if I'm off the grid a bit.

Then again, I may have a lot to say in the coming days ...

Much love.

Our New Friend

Although we've come to know the Colleague Infusion Pump personally during the past few years, I thought I might introduce everyone to the newest member of the Selman family.

As new friends go, this one's not that bad. It's quiet, doesn't make much of a fuss, is technically inclined, and really gets the job done whenever given an assignment. If only it talked or offered some kind of witty banner, we could name it R2-D2 or C-3P0 or something.

Who is this new friend? It's a machine -- a computerized pump, actually -- that has a keyboard interface and information screen. You can hook up all kinds of things to it, such as a bag of saline, red blood cells, a few units of platelets, or whatever else you might need pumped slowly and continuously into your body over a controlled set of time.

The Colleague unit you see in the inset uses computer-controlled rollers compressing a silicone-rubber tube through which medicine, blood or other fluid flows. Another common form of infusion pump uses a set of fingers that press on the tube in sequence. It's a very quiet machine that makes small, almost-imperceptibly squeaky noises while it does its diligent work.

It's almost hypnotic, in fact, until the fluid runs out -- then it turns into a freaked-out droid, squawking and beeping and chirping until it's silenced or its program is reset. All in all, that's understandable. We all get stressed out a bit after a long, hard project or day at the office.

Sorry I've been off the grid for a while. Mom's had some issues crop up lately with the level of blood and platelets in her body. We've made lots of trips to the hospital, emergency room and transfusion clinic the past few weeks to remedy the situation.

Don't know if we're out of the woods yet, but we're hoping. Her internist and oncologist turned her over to a well-respected team of ear, nose and throat specialists (ENTs) this weekend, and they have come up with some possible solutions.

Time will tell. But I have a new-found appreciation for all those who are able to give blood and especially platelets through apheresis. Many people, such as myself, are ineligible to give blood in the United States, due to some strict guidelines.

But if you can, please consider monetary or blood donations to the American Red Cross or other collection center nearest you, especially if you're Type O or have extra time to sit for apheresis.

Those of us who've come to depend on vital fluids such as platelets and red blood cells truly appreciate it. The Selman family can't thank you enough.

SpaceX Did It!

Changing Times?

Bramsy forwarded me an interview from AfterElton this week that caught my attention.

While AfterElton is great entertainment, I don’t normally equate it with much depth. It falls into the Fun/Fluff file of the dusty card catalog of my brain.

But I thought enough about this AE post on John Forgetta, the author of a newspaper comic strip called The Meaning of Lila, to give it a full look. I’d never read, heard of or even knew of the strip's existence. Now I do and am on the hunt to find more.

The 10,000-foot view: The strip apparently features the everyday life and adventures of young, single professionals trying to make their way in the world. Lila, I take it, is the lead character. There a few co-starring characters, with one being her best friend Boyd, who’s gay, and Drew, who’s perfect in all ways and presumably straight.

Whatever, right? Maybe. But then, that's kinda the point. The AfterElton Q&A grabbed me for two reasons: First, it offers a sad commentary on the death-rattle of the daily newspaper echoing across America.

As Forgetta says: "To me, features editors have to recognize that younger people do read their newspapers and may read it more if they published content that appealed to them. I absolutely love reading the newspaper and think younger people are nuts if they don’t. Although one of my favorite strips is when Lila and Boyd see a newspaper on a table at Starbucks and think it’s a new kind of placemat ..."

I'm cynical about the future of newspapers. But, here's the second thing: This Q&A also is a heartening reminder of something that I truly believe. That is, most people really have no problem with gay men and lesbians, and things are getting better. There's a way to go, sure.

But Forgetta points out that one of the biggest-circulation papers to carry it is the U.S. military's Stars and Stripes. Go figure. Now there are surveys saying that something like half of Americans favor the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

In my case, the vast majority of the people I’ve met, encountered, worked with or befriended since I came out in 1997 truly have been more curious about “the gay thing” than anything else.

Yeah, I’ve met a bigot or two. I may not have been invited to a co-worker party, here or there. But mostly, people just don’t care, want to know the juicy bits or, in the case of a few staunch conservatives, have come to see gay men and lesbians in a new way. Times change.

On a semi-related note (not really, but hang with me here): I get a catty kick out of AfterElton, especially for the off-the-wall, esoteric stuff that pops up. (It really is a great site; I'm not giving it enough credit.)

For example, haven't y'all wondered if Billy Mays, the OxyClean guy screaming at us from the TV, is a gay bear? Yeah, me too!

Answer here.

Big Day Out

Well, it was a good day. Mom felt like venturing out for a bit.

We went on a little shopping excursion: Bought a few books at Barnes & Noble; checked out some kitchenwares at Bed, Bath and Beyond; and picked up a milkshake (her) and a Diet Coke (me) at Sonic before heading home.

Sounds exciting, huh? It kind of is. After all the ups and downs and running around the past few weeks, mom has a sort-of normal routine and a definite treatment strategy. She's got pain meds to keep her comfortable, a little something for anxiety and to help her sleep, and then a combination of prescriptions that are meant to help her build up her bones and also to slow down the spread of the breast cancer in her body.

These aren't solutions or cures, but small victories none-the-less. She's tired and frustrated and more than a bit negative right now. She sleeps a lot and is groggy most of the time. Her appetite waxes and wanes.

Walking around still is a bit of a chore, so she's bought a regular walker and then a combination walker and "seated chair" (not quite a wheelchair -- it's kind of like rolling her around on a sitting stool) to steady her and help her get around. It's kind of diva.

She'll have to have her blood checked every few days to make sure her counts are good or to see if she needs any infusions. And we have to get a couple of months under our belt of these bone-building drug injections before she's going to beat the spread of the cancer and what it's doing to thwart her blood platelet production.

I'm hopeful. She's getting there. Dad's kind of numb -- it's a bit much for him to take in, I think, but he's doing OK, too.

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and help and love these past few weeks.

Much love,
- Sean

Move It

VIDEO: Love Don't Let Me Go by David Guetta v The Egg

Cool. Freerunning, or parkour, is now an official sport.

See the French action film District B13 for more. Here's a clip from YouTube.

Welcome Aboard!

The Clustermap counter rolled over again this week. According to it, you may be visitor number 29,002 since August 2006!

Welcome to any Newcomers. And, if you're a return Visitor, thanks for hanging out with us in the 'Garage. Plug your 'droid up in the back and have a seat. Tang or soylent green chips, anyone?

Wow, these two years seem to have flown by -- a lot of water under the bridge. Some of it's been good, some of it, well, not so much. There have been really high highs and historically low lows.

Today's a good day: Just bought a new condo with my honey, fixin' it up real pretty, and gettin' ready to move in, so I may be off the grid a couple of days.

Till then, and in case you're new around here, here's an encore presentation from the archives. Shortly after this, I figured out tags, so maybe those will help, too.

Cheers!

Rocket Garage: The Story So Far

Evangeline

MUSIC: Evangeline (Live) by Matthew Sweet

Not Over Yet

It’s another Selman family adventure.

Some return readers may recall that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer last year. She’s been under constant care and treatment since her mastectomy and had as many rounds as she could take of intense radiation and chemotherapy.

We thought we were on the tail end of the treatment plan this summer, but it appears we’re not. All summer she’s been complaining of general pain, has had a lack of energy, looked pale as a ghost. Some days have been better than others, but she just hasn’t had any bounce. We kept asking her care team to investigate.

After much wrangling and back-and-forth and wringing-of-hands, mom’s internist discovered about two weeks ago that she had become extremely anemic. Also, further tests revealed that her breast cancer has spread.

We’re not sure what all this means yet. We’re still in stand-by mode. After a couple of infusions or transfusions, mom can’t quite seem to make enough blood. Her white blood cell count is holding steady, but her red blood cell count and her platelet counts are in a “danger zone.”

After trying everything they could for the past week, mom’s care team at her preferred hospital have released her to care by a team of physicians at the UAB Comprehensive Cancer Center. She was transported overnight; dad and I will be going back-and-forth to stay with her for the foreseeable future.

Mom’s spirits are up and down, as you can imagine. Dad and I are kind of numb; it sucks being in reactive mode and not being able to do anything about, well, anything. It's just as frustrating as ever before, nothing new there.

I’ll forgo posting some of what we think might be going on with mom. Doctors are still kicking around a lot of ideas. But it does appear for now that mom has metastatic breast cancer and has developed some kind of blood or bone marrow disorder as a result of her treatments.

More to come as we learn what’s happening to mom.

Please send positive thoughts.

Break My Fall

VIDEO: Break My Fall by Tiesto featuring BT